Expectation vs. Performance

performanceThe Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the term “expectation” as “a belief that something will happen or is likely to happen”; It defines “performance” as “the fulfillment of a claim, promise, or request; something accomplished.” We have expectations in every aspect of life: for our kids, our marriages, our careers. In some areas, we set our own expectations; in others, they are set for us.

Our performance shows whether or not we fulfilled those expectations. For example, if you are asked to write a report by a specific deadline, you will be expected to fulfill this. The level of your performance may be determined by the quality of the report as well as your timeliness and accuracy. In general, if we meet all of the expectations we create for ourselves or are given, we might consider ourselves “successful.”

Expectation Mindset

expectationsThe expectations that you set for yourself and your life can be determined by your overall attitude. If you are an optimistic person, you will most likely have high expectations regarding the outcome of your life, career, and family. You imagine everyone at his best. If you are a pessimist, you might have low expectations or have doubts that you can fulfill expectations in those areas, reasoning that you will be pleasantly surprised if it turns out better than expected but prepared if it does not. These views are not necessarily wrong or right, just different.

Expectation Level

  1. High Expectations. Setting high expectations for yourself or for others can provide great motivation to perform. In sports, if a coach puts great trust in you and expects you to be a team leader, you will be very motivated to prove to him that you are capable of doing so. At work, setting high expectations makes you work harder to achieve that goal. However, setting your sights too high can be detrimental to your success. If the bar is set too high and you are not able to reach it, you may feel disappointment or inadequacy. You might feel embarrassed if you do not perform the way that you were expected to.
  2. Low Expectations. If your expectations are too low, the performance might be too easy. If there is no challenge, then there may be nothing to work for. Instead of having a drive to succeed, you may get comfortable in your position and reach a plateau.
  3. Realistic Expectations. Set expectations for yourself and others that you know will be motivational and require hard work but that will also be achievable. This will give you something to work for and then provide great satisfaction when you accomplish it.

Expectation Failure

We have all failed at something or fallen short of the expectations. Instead of letting this get you down or giving up, use it as motivation to improve or change what is needed to perform the way you are expected to.

Whether your performance succeeds your expectations or not, it’s important to keep in mind success is reached through trial and error. In all aspects of your performance, try-try-again!

Mark D. Parisi, Psy.D. & Associates, P.C. provides counseling, psychological testing, and psychotropic medication management in Mount Prospect and Chicago – serving surrounding Cook, Lake, DuPage, and Will Counties. They accept most insurance and offer extremely affordable sliding scale rates. Call (847) 909-9858 for a free, no-obligation telephone consultation.

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Sources:

  1. Expectation, Definition, 2015, http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/expectation
  2. Performance, Definition, 2015, http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/performance
  3. High Hopes and Happy Homes, Mindset of Expectations, 2004, http://www.apa.org/monitor/sep04/highhopes.aspx

 

Newly Single? How to Cope.

Single CounselingThe majority of people have experienced at least one break up. In fact, a study in 2011 showed that 37% of people ages 18 to 35 had been through at least one break up in the past 20 months (1). Regardless of the circumstances or the length and seriousness of the relationship, breaking up is hard to do. The mental and social side effects can sometimes be devastating. What can you do to make it easier on yourself?

Emotional

After a break-up, you will most likely be swarmed with emotions – anger, resentment, depression, heart-break, etc. These emotions need to be addressed, not repressed. When trying to get your feelings out, make sure it is done in a productive way. Yelling and venting to a friend is not going to be very beneficial. Instead, many experts suggest writing as a means of therapy (2). When you write, you take time to form your thoughts instead of thinking and speaking irrationally. Writing also gives you the chance to go back and analyze your feelings and to see how far you have come from where you were immediately after the break up.

Another way to cope with these feelings is to stay active. Not only is physical activity beneficial to the mind and body, staying active will keep you busy, which means you will have less time to dwell on the break up. Another helpful idea is to find someone to confide in. But don’t pick just anyone – make sure it is something that you trust to give you sound advice and comfort.

Socially

Depending on where you met your significant other, the social aspect may be a problem. You may have mutual friends, making it difficult and tense to be around those friends. You may work with him, making work more stressful and awkward. However, this problem may give you a chance to branch out; meeting new people and trying new things may be just what you need.

Personally

Because relationships can give a person meaning and purpose, a break up might cause you to feel less satisfied with your life. Discontentment can lead to bitterness and will not have any positive outcome, so do your best to avoid it. A person’s reaction to a break up can greatly affect the future. Those who have a positive outlook and desire to look for someone new are less likely to be affected by depression and low self-esteem. Remember also that a break up can actually benefit you in many ways. Being newly single gives you a chance to re-evaluate your life and what is important, and it can help you find your identity as an individual. Finding the positives in a break up can make your future relationships even stronger.

No matter how you deal with a break up, there is one essential: do not let your break up define you.

Mark D. Parisi, Psy.D. & Associates, P.C. provides counseling, psychological testing, and psychotropic medication management in Mount Prospect and Chicago – serving surrounding Cook, Lake, DuPage, and Will Counties. They accept most insurance and offer extremely affordable sliding scale rates. Call (847) 909-9858 for a free, no-obligation telephone consultation.

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Sources:

  1. Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, Statistics and effects of a break up, 2011, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21517174
  2. Break Ups Aren’t All Bad, Ways to cope, 2009, http://www.apa.org/research/action/romantic-relationships.aspx

 

 

Is Kindness Contagious?

I’m confident you have heard the saying, “Kindness is contagious,” before right? Well, if you hadn’t- now you have! The idea that showing someone kindness, even through just a smile, can be passed on to that person making them more likely to be kind to someone else is one that has been handed down through generations.

Just recently new research was conducted that may unlock the mystery; is kindness really contagious? According to a 2010 study done by researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, the University of Cambridge, and the University of Plymouth, “It is natural for people to seek the positive emotions that accompany seeing and doing acts of kindness.” (1) Because there is moral beauty in being kind, humans have a natural desire to see others be kind, and in return to be kind themselves causing a natural high-like sensation. Research published in the journal of Biological Psychiatry has even aimed to learn what these moral, high-like elevations actually look like in the brain and human body. (2)

So, what does this mean for you?kindness

It means to be kind, of course! When we take the necessary time to be kind to those around us in both big and small ways we can pass on our kindness to everyone we cross paths with. Believe me, there are far worse things in life than creating a society of kind people who love to spread their kindness to others! Here’s a few ways you can show kindness today!

  • Smile. You can impact a large number of people with kindness simply by smiling. It doesn’t take any more time to smile than it does to frown. In fact studies have shown when you frown you actually use more muscles than you do when smiling. Remind yourself to offer others smiles whenever you get the chance.
  • Help. Whether it’s through simply being aware of your surroundings when you witness people needing help, or by volunteering your services to a needy cause by helping others you can show kindness.
  • Listen. A listening ear is a kind ear. Often times people are just looking for someone to talk to who will listen. Be kind today by listening to a loved one, friend, child, or even a complete stranger. Kindness knows no bounds.

For once, an old wise tail passed down from generation to generation is ringing true according to science. Kindness is truly contagious. Spread the word, and the love by being kind to one another every chance you get.

Mark D. Parisi, Psy.D. & Associates, P.C. provides counseling, psychological testing, and psychotropic medication management in Mount Prospect and Chicago – serving surrounding Cook, Lake, DuPage, and Will Counties. They accept most insurance and offer extremely affordable sliding scale rates. Call (847) 909-9858 for a free, no-obligation telephone consultation.

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Sources:

  1. Kindness is Contagious, New Study Finds, Kindness is contagious study findings, 2010, https://helix.northwestern.edu/article/kindness-contagious-new-study-finds
  2. Autonomic and Prefrontal Evens During Moral Elevation, Research on moral elevations, 2015, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25813121
Tom Naratadam

Tom Naratadam, Psy.D., LCPC

Dr. Tom Naratadam chicago illinoisDr. Tom Naratadam earned his undergraduate degree from the University of Illinois in Urbana-Champaign and both his Doctor of Psychology (Psy.D.) and Masters Degree in School Psychology (Ed.S.) from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology.  He completed his Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) certification in Illinois in 2015.  His professional work experience is diverse and includes work in multiple settings including residential, inpatient, outpatient, community mental health, group private practice, and school-settings throughout the Metro Chicagoland area.

Dr. Naratadam has worked as an outpatient provider with Mark D. Parisi, Psy.D. & Associates, P.C. since 2010. In addition to his work with Mark D. Parisi, Psy.D. & Associates, P.C., Dr. Naratadam works as a bilingual school psychologist at the Chicago Public Schools – performing extensive diagnostic testing and spearheading group therapy with children and adolescents.

Dr. Naratadam has expertise working in multicultural populations and has conducted numerous workshops on cross-cultural issues related to the Latino and Asian-Indian cultures. His experience also includes several years of assessing and working with children and adolescents who have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Autistic Spectrum Disorders, Conduct and Mood Disorders, and issues related to adolescent sexuality and identity.

Dr. Naratadam is proud of his Asian-Indian heritage. He enjoys traveling, enjoying Chicago’s wide array of restaurants, and spending time with his family and friends. Dr. Naratadam is fluent in Spanish.

Accepting and Committing to Excellence: Defining your Values for Success

Let’s face it, dealing with setbacks, stress, and pressure isn’t easy. But how we respond to those factors plays a big role in our success. Do you respond differently to pressure when you’re doing well compared to when you’re struggling? You may have found it’s a lot easier to work hard and push through pain when you’re feeling good and seeing results. But often your attitude changes when you’re experiencing setbacks or not seeing the results you expect.

As an athlete, you probably have lots of goals in your mind of what you want to accomplish in your career. But what about your values for your career? Values are different from goals in that they are not an end achievement. They are the path in which to take to reach your goals. When you imagine yourself at the end of your athletic career, what kind of athlete do you want to be remembered as? How do you want your coaches, your peers, your fans to remember you as? Figuring out what your values are for your life as an athlete can set the foundation for a successful career.

By thinking not just about goals, but about values, and committing to living in line with what you value, you’re committing to your standard of excellence, day to day, week to week, season to season, despite the occasional setbacks and failures along the way. And being committed to those values will lead you to results!

To talk more about reaching your goals by training, competing, and living in a value-oriented mindset, contact Dr. Lori Jeffries or Mark Parisi, PsyD and Associates, P.C. for a confidential consultation!