Reduce the Lies Your Teen is Telling You

Posted on by Dr. Mark Parisi

Oh the teenage years. There is nothing harder than trying to make sure you are raising a good teen and feeling like you are constantly being lied to. All teens lie. Teens typically lie to their parents about drug and alcohol use, where they are going, who and whether they are dating, who they are with, money, and their friends. Lying becomes a serious issue when the lies are consistent and more than a little white lie to avoid hurting someone.

Here are some suggestions from Dr. Parisi, a low cost psychiatrist in Chicago.

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  1. Build a sincere connection with your teen. Being able to have a real conversation with your teen can be hard, but open communication is one of the best ways to keep your teen talking to you. Remember what teenagers do and think about. You are going to have to be able to handle some uncomfortable topics in order to be a reliable source for your teen. Be prepared to talk about anything…and you may not like what they are going to say, but you have to react rationally or your teen will not continue to talk to you.
  2. Model the truth. If you aren’t willing to be honest with your teen, they are likely to return the favor. This starts when they are young and can be little things you don’t likely think about. How often are you telling them everything is fine, when you really are stressed or worried about something at work. Children develop a baseline of acceptable lies or half-truths by watching how your react to situations in your life.
  3. Do not be an angry interrogator. Having moments you teen angers you is an avoidable part of parenting. But don’t use these moments to drill them with questions. You aren’t going to get any real answers. Make sure you are calm and really ready to talk with them if you want them to be honest with you. Remember to be prepared for answers you don’t likely want if you get them telling you the truth. Your reaction is important.
  4. Deal with lying as a separate issue. No matter what your child was lying to cover up, there are two separate issues. What he or she did and the lying about it. Make sure the lie is addressed as a problem of its own.
  5. Make your kids think. Putting responsibility on them is hard. As parents, we want to make everything easy in life for them.  Sometimes when teens have to accept responsibility it is the best way for them to learn the true lesson.

Raising kids is hard work. You have to set the boundaries and let your teen test them. This is how children learn to fail. Sometimes it is best they learn the hard way so they can succeed later.

If lying is consistently a problem with your teen, you need to seek mental health services in Chicago for your teen. Our affordable psychologist can help.

Four Steps to Repair Your Relationship With the H-E-A-L Technique

Posted on by Dr Mark Parisi

Real, lasting relationships are NOT what you see in romance movies. There is a reason the movies only last a few hours—a real relationship cannot stay at that gushy, melt-your-heart level for much longer than that. A true relationship is based on the ordinary. The relationships that are built to withstand the everyday, routine life are the ones that are the strongest. The H-E-A-L technique can help repair a relationship as well as build and maintain relationships that you want to work every day of your life.

Step1. Hear—It has been said to that you should listen twice as much as you speak, but this only works if you are really trying to hear what your partner is saying. Try to fully understand your partner’s state, which includes body language and facial expression in addition to the words being said. Be present in conversations, and make sure you are communicating. Lack of communication is a huge relationship killer.

Step 2. Empathize—Not all problems need solutions. Sometimes it is best to just be there for someone and let them know you understand where they are coming from. Giving a solution can sometimes come across as judgment, according to Dr. Greenberg of Psychology Today. Really try to put yourself in your partner’s place. If you can understand why he or she would feel a certain way, your response to those feelings will likely be more positive.

Step 3. Act—Do not get caught in a negative cycle. If there is problem, address it. Take action to discuss and fix any issues that are troublesome. If you are constantly fighting about the same thing, there hasn’t been any resolution. It is important to remember that couples fight. You don’t always have to agree or see eye to eye on every issue to be in love. However, it is important to be respectful and understanding of each person being unique and having their own ideas. No one is perfect. Be accepting of that in others and yourself and always work to make yourself and the relationship better.

Step 4. Love—Love, love, love, and love some more. Make special effort to help your partner feel loved. Do not take one another for granted and never forget the special moments from your relationship. Take time to reminisce. Talk about the good qualities and feelings that make that person special to you.

Remember that relationships take work. There are some moments that may feel like the love story on TV, but those are the rarity. You have to choose to put in the effort to find happiness in the ordinary, but the good part, it is worth it.

Dr. Parisi and his staff of marriage and family therapists in Chicago offer affordable counseling that can help you use the H-E-A-L technique as well as many others (See this post to avoid relationship problems) to make a healthy and lasting relationship.

Greenberg, M. (2013). Four steps to relationship repair with the H-E-A-L technique. Psychology Today.