Repair Your Relationship This Weekend

Posted on by Dr. Mark Parisi

Hit a bit of a rocky patch? No worries, Dr. Paris, your affordable Chicago marriage and family counselor has tips to help put you back on track this weekend.

It is important to remember that all relationships will hit a rough spot. Healthy relationships are based on a good foundation. Every relationship will have trying times, but as long as there is a good base to the relationship, you always have something to fall back on.

Taking a weekend to focus only on your relationship can give it the spark you need to remember how special it is.

Conflict is normal. As an affordable therapist who talks to many, many couples, I am telling you that you are not alone. All couples have conflicts over different things. Don’t stress that you are not seeing eye to eye every so often.  Whether it is a difference of opinion about money, chores, or sex, the issue usually can be resolved using some communication techniques to discuss it with your partner.

Talk in first person. When you are talking to your partner about something that is bothering you, make sure you say, “I feel…” or “I do…” Don’t start digging in on what your partner does or doesn’t do. Focus on how the issue makes you feel and portray that to your partner instead of pointing out flaws.Dr. Parisi Marriage and family counseling

Talk. Talk. Talk. Make sure you plan time (other than just this weekend) to focus on your lives as a couple. Take 20 minutes a day to spend together just talking, perhaps over a glass of wine. If there has been some distance between you, use this time to get reacquainted with one another.

Don’t play the blame game. This is a huge down fall for many couples. If they can blame the problem on someone, then they don’t work to fix it. You have to remember that you are in this relationship together, and you both must work to find solutions that fit with both of you.

Take this weekend to really focus on your relationship. Discuss any problems and reminisce about the good things that draw you to one another. Remember, relationships are not 50-50. Your partner deserves 100% of you. Healthy relationships are 100%, 100% of the time. You must both put all you have in to the relationship to get back positive results.

If you find that you are caught in a pattern of behaviors that you cannot find a way to fix and need more help, contact Dr. Parisi for marriage and family counseling. We have locations in Chicago and the surrounding area (Des Plaines, Arlington Heights, Schaumburg, Barrington, Hinsdale, Skokie, Lincolnwood, Park Ridge, and Wilmette) to help.

5 Tips to Help You Make Better Decisions

Posted on by Dr. Mark Parisi

You know you have to make a big decision. You know it is important. But we are often caught between making decisions with our head or with our hearts. The truth is, you are likely to make a better decision if you use a combination of the two. Too often, our decisions are based on emotions. Our Chicago counselor offers five tips to help you make better decisions.

  1. Remove yourself from the situation. This is not easy. But if you think about the situation as if it was someone else, you are more likely to base the decision off of the important aspects rather than involving emotions. Wise reasoning includes thinking of others’ perspectives, thinking about the situation in a different way, and thinking about compromises to the situation.
  2. Consider all your options. There are often aspects that you haven’t thought of. Do a little brainstorming to make sure you have looked at the problem from all perspectives. What haven’t you thought of? Make you need an affordable psychologist to help you look at other angles.
  3. Sleep on it. Research has shown that we make better decisions when we use our unconscious mind as well as our conscious mind. Literally, sleep on it. Taking time to let you brain work things out also keep you from making a decision too hastily.
  4. Make a list. Yes, it is a bit cliché’ but a list of pros and cons can really be helpful. When you put it on papers, you can easily see if one side is outweighing the other.
  5. Know your emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your emotions as well as emotions of others. Being able to keep your emotions in check and know how your react to certain situations will help keep you from letting emotions from influencing decisions.

When you combine all these tips, you will know you are making every effort to make a good decision based on facts and needs instead of reacting to emotion.

If you need further help in the Chicago and the surrounding area (Des Plaines, Arlington Heights, Schaumburg, Barrington, Hinsdale, Skokie, Lincolnwood, Park Ridge, and Wilmette), contact Dr. Parisi.

What You Need to Know About Bullying This School Year

Posted on by Dr. Mark Parisi

The news is constantly buzzing with news about the tragedies related to bullying. It has become an epidemic in our children’s schools. But what can you do?

First, we must understand what bullying is. We all get picked on or teased at times from a sibling or friend. This is in a jokingly manner. This is not bullying. There comes a point when this crosses a line. Bullying is intentional. It is meant to be mean and hurtful. Bullying is aggressive and unwanted behavior that is often repetitive and torturous for the person being bullied. It can be physical or verbal threats. It is spreading rumors. It is insulting. I can even include excluding someone from a group. It is serious and very harmful. In today’s world, much of bullying is not even happening with the child near. Electronic devices and social media are often used to say hurtful things and taunt another child. Bullying can cause physical harm, but it usually inflicts severe emotional pain for the person being bullied.

How do I know if my child is being bullied?

Obviously, any physical injuries are worth a full investigation. It is the emotional damage that you have to be more cautious of. Watch for signs that your child is unhappy or uncomfortable, especially going to school. Perhaps your child doesn’t want to ride the bus any more or even go to school. You may see a change in mood or eating and sleeping patterns. You child may act anxious or start to be more withdrawn. If you have more concerns consider a low cost psychiatrist in Chicago.

Having conversations and asking your child about bullying is a good way to keep communication open. If you child is reluctant to talk about it, try to find ways to relate. If you see an example of bullying, maybe in the news or in your life, use that as a starting point. Ask if something like this has ever happened to them or if they ever see others being bullied. Try to help make it more comfortable to talk about and let them know that if they see it happening it is ok to talk to another adult to help the person. If you need further help recognizing signs, a Chicago counselor at Dr. Parisi and Associates can help.

How do I help my child if I think she is being bullied?Chicago counselor | Dr. Parisi | Bullying

Bullying is not something that should be “toughed out.” It needs to be address. You have to be willing to listen and believe. If you child tells you she is being bullied, take it seriously. Listen to her talk about what is going on and make she sure knows you are a safe place.  Do not pass any judgment and make sure you validate your child’s feelings. Thank her for opening up and let her know you are proud of her for taking this step.

Some children feel like it is their fault they are being bullied. They need to know that no one deserves to be disrespected or mistreated. Explain that although bulling is very wrong, it is common and that many people experience it at some time. Perhaps you can share a time when you experienced bullying with your child. Praise your child for doing what is right by letting you know. It is vital that the child know that is the bully who is doing something wrong, not them.

Also, make sure you take action. Let you child know that this is something that must be addressed and taken care of. If the bullying is happening at school, you will need to discuss a plan with them. Schools and community organizations have a policies and rules to help stop and prevent bullying. Many times children like to be involved and what the plan of action is. An affordable Chicago counselor or the school counselor can be great help.

To help your child in the moment, tell them to avoid the bully and hang out with a friend. Bullies thrive on making other students mad and react. Let your child know that it is hard, but try not to react or show the bully that whatever they are doing bothers them. Walk away and ignore the bully, but then go tell an adult when the bully is no longer near.

Make sure you child doesn’t feel alone and that there are many people supporting her. Be encouraging and supportive. Help your child find friends and positive influences. Often, children lose a little confidence when being bullied. Help build them back up and make them know it is not their fault.

If you need more help in the Chicago and surrounding areas including Des Plaines, Arlington Heights, Schaumburg, Barrington, Hinsdale, Skokie, Lincolnwood, Park Ridge, and Wilmette, Dr. Parisi is an affordable psychologist or psychiatrist who specializes in Biofeedback Training for Stress / Anxiety Reduction.

4 Reasons You Struggle to Express How You Feel to Your Significant Other

Posted on by Dr. Mark Parisi

You know you aren’t great at expressing your emotions, and you want to improve to help your relationship. That is great! But where to start? Dr. Parisi, an affordable counselor in Chicago, wants you to know that expressing emotions isn’t something that is just going to change because you want it to. There are likely many reasons why you aren’t able to say what you feel.  Learning why expressing yourself is hard for you may be a first step in getting better at it. Here are five common reasons people struggle to express themselves according to your marriage and family therapist in Chicago.

Dr. Parisi is an affordable chicago counselor

  1. Fear is a huge reason why people don’t want to say what they feel. Either the fear of conflict or fear of rejection are usually the culprit. Many people don’t want to ruffle any feathers, or they believe that they will be deserted if their significant other doesn’t agree with them.
  2. Often people believe that others should already know how they feel and what they need. They expect them to be able to read their mind and they start to feel resentful when others can’t.
  3. They have already given up hope. Sometimes people really don’t think that anything in their relationship will ever change, so they aren’t willing to put in the emotions and effort needed to improve and strengthen it.
  4. People suffer from low self-esteem and they don’t feel that they should be entitled to feel a certain way. They think it is their job to always to be person who needs to make a change in order to please someone else.

Learning to express yourself in a way that helps you while strengthen your relationship is important. A marriage and family therapist can help couples address what the root cause of not wanting to express an emotion and help find techniques that are more suitable to address your individual needs.

If you have a relationship that needs further nourishing, you can contact any of our affordable psychologists and marriage and family therapists in Chicago.

 

#Antisocial: How the Hashtag is Killing Personal Relationships

Posted on by Dr. Mark Parisi

Look around you. You see it everywhere. The phone. The earphones. The tablet. And the distracted patrons who don’t even take a second to look up. There are even businesses that are posting signs stating cell phone use is prohibiting in the checkout line or in the doctor’s office. We are having to specifically be asked to interact with those in front of us. The never ending technology in our world has done many great things for us, but there are some negative impacts on your social life.

You may have thousands of friends or followers on your “social” media, but are those relationships impacting the ones around you? Do you unplug for those who truly mean something to you? The ones who are in front of you?

When sitting at a restaurant watching others, I did not see a single table where a cell phone wasn’t used. In many cases, couples were sitting right across from each other, both looking at their phone and not speaking to one another, not even putting it down to eat. They are being social but not with the people they are with. The danger here is that we start losing touch with the people in our lives because we simply don’t get off the phone or take off headphones to talk and give the other person our time and attention. As a marriage and family therapist, I know many couples in trouble usually would be better off if they just paid a little more attention to the other person.

Now let me state that I do feel that technology and social media all have an important place in our lives and world. I am not saying it should be banned or not used. As a Chicago counselor, my concern is finding that balance. People are starting to feel isolated from one another because of a false sense of connection. Emails, mobile phones and social media are valuable methods of communicating information and are a great business too, but people are still very social creatures and need to interact with a live people who can read emotion in their face, touch each other’s hand, give a consoling hug, or a celebratory high five. We need real interaction and personal relationships, and more important, we need to build and sustain the existing ones in our lives. If you want someone to know they are important to you, you must show them. You must give them attention, and devote quality time to being with them (not your phone).

Chicago and the surrounding area (Des Plaines, Arlington Heights, Schaumburg, Barrington, Hinsdale, Skokie, Lincolnwood, Park Ridge, and Wilmette) is full of social places. So as we are approaching the end of our summer, let’s all make a conscious effort to relate deeper and make time for the people in front of us. Talk to a stranger. Make a new friend. Break out of your shell and see what it does for you.

If you have a relationship that needs further nourishing, you can contact any of our affordable psychologists and marriage and family therapists in Chicago.

5 Ways to Spark a Crush on Your Spouse

Posted on by Dr. Mark Parisi

You have been together for what seems like forever and you live in routine and predictability. Marriage and family therapist in Chicago, Dr. Parisi offers 5 ways to spark a crush on your spouse.

Team challenge. Part of the thrill of a new relationship is getting to know one another, but when you are to the point you have been together and known each other so long, you feel you know each other as well as know yourself, it is time to shake things up a bit. Your counselor in Chicago recommends that you take on a new challenge together. Train for a race, enter a competition, join a bowling league. Find something that neither of you have ever done and take on the new challenge. Working together to overcome adversity, even if it isn’t real-life adversity, helps add novelty and satisfaction to your relationship, bringing the two of you even closer together. It also gives you something new to talk about.

Take a break. Some marriage and family therapists think the best way to respark the flame is to have people spend some time apart. Take separate vacations. Do something on your own that interests you. When you invest if yourself, your significant other usually finds that independence and appeal that they have been overlooking. Remember, distance can make the heart grow fonder.

Try on someone else’s shoes. Ever wonder how rest of the world views your spouse? Find an opportunity to hear what others think of the amazing job your spouse does at work. Or how friendly she is when she checks out at the store. Sometimes hearing about the wonderful things you take for granted can make you realize how amazing your partner is to everyone else and how lucky you really are. A Chicago counselor would describe to you how someone else would describe your spouse. Make sure you are still looking at him or her that way too!

Step out of your comfort zone. If routine is boring you, mix it up. Do something that you would never do. Throw a curve ball to partner and drag them along for the ride. This can range from a hot air balloon ride to taking a ride after dinner (instead of sitting on the couch) and seeing what is happening in your community.marriage and family therapy in Chicago

Take care of yourself. Yes, your partner has seen you at your worst. But that doesn’t mean you have to put that out there every day. Remember how you used to get dressed up for just the chance of running in to that special someone? Break out the good cologne and flirt a little.

Don’t settle. Whatever you do, don’t quit trying. Your amazing relationship is worth it. It doesn’t have to be a huge production every week (because really who can hire a sky writer), but put in a little more effort. A little more time to be together. A little affection to show your companion that they are more than a roommate after all these years. Keep making the effort because you relationship is worth it. Besides, that willingness not to settle, well that is pretty attractive.

Contact Dr. Parisi and Associates if your relationship needs help from an affordable marriage and family therapist.

 

Reduce the Lies Your Teen is Telling You

Posted on by Dr. Mark Parisi

Oh the teenage years. There is nothing harder than trying to make sure you are raising a good teen and feeling like you are constantly being lied to. All teens lie. Teens typically lie to their parents about drug and alcohol use, where they are going, who and whether they are dating, who they are with, money, and their friends. Lying becomes a serious issue when the lies are consistent and more than a little white lie to avoid hurting someone.

Here are some suggestions from Dr. Parisi, a low cost psychiatrist in Chicago.

Chicago counselor

  1. Build a sincere connection with your teen. Being able to have a real conversation with your teen can be hard, but open communication is one of the best ways to keep your teen talking to you. Remember what teenagers do and think about. You are going to have to be able to handle some uncomfortable topics in order to be a reliable source for your teen. Be prepared to talk about anything…and you may not like what they are going to say, but you have to react rationally or your teen will not continue to talk to you.
  2. Model the truth. If you aren’t willing to be honest with your teen, they are likely to return the favor. This starts when they are young and can be little things you don’t likely think about. How often are you telling them everything is fine, when you really are stressed or worried about something at work. Children develop a baseline of acceptable lies or half-truths by watching how your react to situations in your life.
  3. Do not be an angry interrogator. Having moments you teen angers you is an avoidable part of parenting. But don’t use these moments to drill them with questions. You aren’t going to get any real answers. Make sure you are calm and really ready to talk with them if you want them to be honest with you. Remember to be prepared for answers you don’t likely want if you get them telling you the truth. Your reaction is important.
  4. Deal with lying as a separate issue. No matter what your child was lying to cover up, there are two separate issues. What he or she did and the lying about it. Make sure the lie is addressed as a problem of its own.
  5. Make your kids think. Putting responsibility on them is hard. As parents, we want to make everything easy in life for them.  Sometimes when teens have to accept responsibility it is the best way for them to learn the true lesson.

Raising kids is hard work. You have to set the boundaries and let your teen test them. This is how children learn to fail. Sometimes it is best they learn the hard way so they can succeed later.

If lying is consistently a problem with your teen, you need to seek mental health services in Chicago for your teen. Our affordable psychologist can help.

Keep Back to School Cool for Your Child With Anxiety

Posted on by Dr. Mark Parisi

It is coming, faster ever year (or so it seems). It is back to school time again. For some (parents mostly), this is a great and exciting time of the year—A great fresh start. For the students, it is the end of something epic. For students with anxiety, this time of the year is especially stressful.

If your child is one of those students, we have a few tips for you:

  1. Dr. Parisi | affordable psychologistSet a schedule and stick to it. Children who suffer from anxiety can better anticipate and know what to expect if things are organized. Make sure there schedule is predictability, structured, and follow a routine. This will make transitions easier.
  2. Schedule a visit. See if it is possible to schedule a trip to the school. Let you child walk around, meet the teacher, and get more comfortable with the environment before there is a crowd.
  3. Make health a priority. Use a healthy diet full of protein and limited sugar to help your child feel his or her best. Make sure sleep is a priority. Have some time to calm before bed and make sure you stick to bedtime.
  4. Be comfortable. Make school as fun and special as possible. If it is a favorite outfit, an old sweatshirt, or a lucky backpack charm, find something that is a comfort to your child and helps them feel connected to you.
  5. Talk. Make sure you child feels comfortable and discuss the issues or scenarios that make your child most uncomfortable. This will give you and your child a chance to walk through a situation and how to deal with it before it happens.
  6. Consider behavioral therapy. Back to school is a hard time for children with anxiety, but if after a couple weeks your child isn’t settling in or you are seeing increased issues, inform specialists at school and contact an affordable psychologist or psychiatrist for further counseling.

If you need more help in the Chicago and surrounding areas including Des Plaines, Arlington Heights, Schaumburg, Barrington, Hinsdale, Skokie, Lincolnwood, Park Ridge, and Wilmette, Dr. Parisi is an affordable psychologist or psychiatrist who specializes in Childhood Attachment Studies and Intervention (Marshak Evaluations)and Biofeedback Training for Stress / Anxiety Reduction

Anatomy of the 6 Basic Emotions

Posted on by Dr. Mark Parisi

Many people may be expressing themselves with an icon these days, but we all have them…EMOTIONS. Happyface, sadface, and so on. Although the icons are endless, there are only six basic emotions recognized by counselors and psychotherapists in Chicago.

Psychologists believe that there are a few universal emotions that are understood by people regardless of their background or culture. These emotions are easily recognized and interpreted through specific facial expressions. Although the basics are all the same, the emotion itself can be highly subjective. This means that we have broad labels for happiness, sadness, fear, anger, surprise and disgust, but how we each experience these feelings will be unique. Think of it this way. What bring you to the point of anger is not the same as someone else. Also, sometimes you are just mildly annoyed and sometimes you are in full-blown “Hulk” mode. This can be a wide range that would all fall under the same basic emotion of anger.

Let’s take a quick look at the basic anatomy of each emotion as a psychologist sees it.

Happiness: When a person is happy, muscles around the outside of eyes are tight (producing wrinkles or crow’s feet at the edge of eye), cheeks are raised, and corners or mouth are raised diagonally.

Sadness: When a person is sad, the inner corners of eyebrows are raised, eyelids are loose, and the corner of mouth is pulled down (frown).

Fear: When a person is in fear, eyebrows pull up and together, eyelids pull up, and their mouth stretches wide.

Anger: When a person is angry, their eyebrows will pull down, eyelids pull up, sides of lips roll in, and lips tighten.

Surprise: When a person is surprised, their entire eyebrows pull up, eyelids are pulled up, and mouth is open.

Disgust: When a person is disgusted, eyebrows pull down, the nose wrinkles, upper lip pulls up, and lips are loose.

Do you have trouble dealing with your emotions? Any of our affordable psychologists in Chicago and the surrounding area (Des Plaines, Arlington Heights, Schaumburg, Barrington, Hinsdale, Skokie, Lincolnwood, Park Ridge, and Wilmette) would be happy to help you explore your needs further.

Self-Esteem Versus Self-Acceptance

Posted on by Dr. Mark Parisi

Do you know the difference between self-esteem and self-acceptance? Is there a difference? Why is it even important? What would a counselor say?

Whether or not you use an affordable psychologist in Chicago, you have taken a moment to think about yourself and where you fit in your own world. Do you find value it or do you hold some secret insecurities? Let’s look at it from a Chicago Area Psychotherapist’s view.

Self-Esteem

Psychologists in Chicago see self-esteem as a person’s overall evaluation or his or her own worth. Self-esteem is typically based on your own value of yourself as a person, including your own emotional view of those beliefs. The belief in one’s self esteem can usually be related to one specific aspect of life. The problem with self-esteem is it can be fake. People can have high-self-esteem or pretend to because they have been told they do well at something but can be harboring serious self-doubt and insecurities.

Self-Acceptance

Our low cost psychiatrist in Chicago believes self-acceptance is a much better path to real happiness. No one is perfect. We all have our flaws, but being able to accept ourselves flaw, quirks, and all is real self-acceptance. To accept that you have aspects in life to work on and that you are not perfect gives one greater freedom to be themselves bases on real merit and not in a way that is seeking approval from others.

Self-acceptance is far more realistic way to fit yourself in to the world around you than self-esteem based on peer approval.

So what does this really mean for you? Finding self-acceptance versus building your self-esteem does not mean resigning yourself to the status quo, but rather accepting things as they are with an eye toward improving what you can and what you really want to.

We all have the goal in life to find happiness and be happy with ourselves. Dr. Parisi and Associates have play therapists, psychiatrists, and psychologists, in Chicago who can help whether your concern is your child or yourself.

For affordable counseling in Chicago and surrounding areas including Des Plaines, Arlington Heights, Schaumburg, Barrington, Hinsdale, Skokie, Lincolnwood, Park Ridge, and Wilmette, contact Dr. Parisi.